I am spending my child support on dildos
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
