I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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