Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
