I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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