A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
