You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
