i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
