i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
