I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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