what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
