She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
