honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
