apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
