can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
