i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
