Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
