How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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