Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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