giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
