so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
