There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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