Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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