like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
