Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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