I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I puked a lego.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
