I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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