do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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