I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
