You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
