I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
