my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
