I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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