Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
