I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
