Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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