If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
