Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
