I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
