his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
