You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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