Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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