I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
