Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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