My sheets look like a crime scene.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am one with the molecules
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
