I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
