His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
