Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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