nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
