i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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