cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
