Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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