Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
