Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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