Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
