i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You can't just leave with hair like that
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
