Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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