My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
