There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
