So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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