Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
