I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.