This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?