I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.