Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.