I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
