I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This is the high leading the old right now
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
