I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
