dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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