How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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