I want to walk on stilts...naked
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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