Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
