I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
