Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize