I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
