i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
