According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
