ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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