It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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