hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
