dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
