I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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