Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize