Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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