I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
