True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
